You Might Be An Academic If...

You can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
Your office is better decorated than your apartment.
You have ever taken a scholarly article to a bar.
Everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
You have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
You have ever spent $50 or more on photocopying while researching a single paper.
There is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider to be "yours."
You can tell the time of day by the flow of traffic in the library.
You regard ibuprofin as a health supplement.
You consider all papers to be works in progress.
You find the bibliographies of books to be as interesting as the actual text.
You can't watch a movie without analyzing its hidden cultural significance.
You have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in one general area.
You have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
You find yourself explaining to children that you went to "20th grade."
You wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.
You have ever explained to someone, at length, the philosophical approach you used to organize your movie/music collection.
You look forward to time off so you can do laundry.
You wonder if MLA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication."